a special place in a special time
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Luffo's picture
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Joined: 2018-05-24
Newone gonna share pre-surrogacy frustration, avoid it
Hi all lovely guys! I like this forum and threads. It’s such an amazing community. I’m not so long ago here. Anyway I already read many posts. I’m interested in being here because many of you discuss surrogacy. This topic means a lot for me now. I didn’t even want to publish my story. In fact I was encouraged. Most successful stories inspire to do something. I consider a story as successful even when somebody just started a journey. I lack of decisiveness. Actually it’s not the only problem. No matter, let’s continue. I’m looking for surrogacy. I’m looking forward to starting it. My husband just spoils my life now. Everything was started without his help. But now he becomes a trigger of misfortune. He’s drunk every day. It’s not the weekend to celebrate. He has his own feast. He carries it forever. And he doesn’t care at all. His old mother is a real witch. She is an ugly giggling witch. This woman ruins our lives and kills her son. She encourages him to keep on getting drunk. She says he is a man. He knows better what he should do this time. The witch is sure I have broken their fate. My fertility problems are just a reckoning of my sins. I hate her. Bullshit! If I don’t get anything I deserve in a year I swear I’ll kill her. Don’t use this information against me. That’s not fair. Generally I’m quite a positive character. I love flowers and kids and so on. Okay, I can’t have my own children. It happened due to my disease. I had purulent endometritis. It is one of the most severe female diseases. In its developed forms it’s very dangerous and painful. I swear it is really so. The doctors had to cut off my womb with uterine appendages. Such surgeries are very thorough and … and difficult. Anesthesia was very intensive. I hardly got out of it. I thought it drove me crazy. To be honest I didn’t understand where I was and what I should do for a week. All these events were just like hard hit. It was nearly to kill me. But finally it has changed my lovely husband. He also wanted to have a baby so much. We often spoke about it. We dreamt of playing with our children together. As well I had one IVF before that shit. We didn’t know why we couldn’t get pregnant for a year. That’s why we applied to gynecologist. ‘ My main problem wasn’t detected. Perhaps it was too early on. In fact IVF procedure didn’t give result. I gave amazing response to stimulation. My husband’s sperm had wonderful quality. There wasn’t any alcohol at all. Today he can release only beer or gyn. He became a cask full of alcohol. And he smells respectively. Actually I was devastated after surgery. I was despair completely. I had to fight my isolation by myself. Nobody supported. None of human beings was beside my side. This nightmare covered me and wrapped up. I’m reading your stories and I want to cry out loud. I want to break my bloody fists. I want being hugged by anyone. I’m proud of your achievements. They really matter a lot for me. They feed me with hope for the future. I believe my future is real. It’ll be brighter and more enjoyable than now. I even trust my man he will quit drinking. As you could get it I can’t start. I’m ready. I want to become parent. However, I just can’t because of circumstances. It seems like vicious circle. Who can help me to rescue?
Sabina's picture
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Joined: 2018-05-24
Oh, honey! We were talking on my thread. You asked me and I asked you about the different thing. I didn’t know you’ve already written your own story. I couldn’t imagine how sad it is. You shared some episodes of your life with me. I understood the way you had to go through was awful. That was impassable path. You are here and ready to support other people. Where do you find such a huge strength? Now I see what a terrible situation interferes you to move on. You should choose. Your husband must be left alone with his mommy or he must be treated before you.Your current life seems like nightmare. You are still quite frustrated. But what is surrounding you? His mother is an enemy. I see you are going to fight her. She just might be old sick lady. Additionally she’s old sick and angry lady. Don’t lose your hope. Work on the way to save your husband. You want to be with clinic as soon as possible. I believe European destinations will be working until you are okay to start. I don’t see reason for them to close down their work. You need high quality treatment and donor. Now you know where it’s possible to find them. My fingers crossed for you. I’m looking forward to receiving your updates. Let me know when you make your man not to drink for a week or two. Then you’ll be able to address real matters.
Marry comes around
Luffo's picture
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Joined: 2018-05-24
Yeah! You’re right. My fingers are also crossed for your journey. Hope all must be okay. I even didn’t notice your answer. Sorry I left you without some words of response. But what could I answer? We have already talked on a huge number of things. Your thread is more active. Don’t ruin tradition. That’s better to speak there. I got some today’s news. One of it is my husband’s mother got to the hospital. Something with her heart! Even that hasn’t distracted my man from the pub. He is there since he got up. I suppose he’ll not attend her mother in a hospital. How do you think? Should I go there or not? There’s no sympathy to this crone. She didn’t deserve such a slight illness. Oh, excuse me my Lord. Seems I said too much. Understand me please. I can’t express it to her face. She’s very treacherous one. She’ll make a quarrel. And then something bad will certainly happen. I said she’s witch. Okay, I’m going to visit her. I don’t wish her death. Sure, it’ll be too easy for her. I’m joking. I understand she’s unchangeable. The best years to changing were already forgotten. I’m afraid her son can die before her. It’s terrible absolutely. It’s clear we should derive her out of our life. She is like a worm gnawing our bones. How could a mother be like that? I know she’ll not come to see me if I was at the hospital. She’ll never bring fruits or water. This black lady will be sitting home waiting for my failure. As I mentioned I can’t believe she is a mother of my husband. He’s gutless and very kind. She is an absolute opposite.
hannahdavid's picture
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Joined: 2018-03-03
Your post made me cry. You have definitely been through a lot. However, you are a strong person! I am so proud of you that you have come this far. Sometimes people and the environment makes everything just worst. Surrogacy process completely changed my life as I had multiple fail IVF and IUI cycles. I too had lost hope and had thought that is it. Anyways, then this term was introduced to me. My first step was to research on it. I found out that you have to ensure that the clinic you choose is operating legally and the laws are in your favor. By this I mean surrogacy is not banned in that country and the clinic is providing with child's legal documents. I then started watching videos online which led me to come across different clinics that I could opt for. Since the insurance doesn't cover this treatment looking outside USA and UK was what I did as its extremely expensive there. Eventually, I did find myself a clinic which had a high success rate and doctors which were both experienced and professional. Overall great experience feel free to ask more questions.
blakegreen's picture
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Joined: 2018-02-16
Hey. I'm glad you let it all out. It is totally normal to feel this way. I really hope you feel better now. Good luck with surrogacy. You will be a parent soon, I'm praying for it to go smoothly for you. Don't be so frustrated now.
Rihana's picture
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Joined: 2018-01-23
Well, maybe he is tensed too. Well, this is not a way to handle a tension. I agree. Still, what can you do? There is nothing that you could possibly do. Just talk to him. Talk him out of this. He is going to listen to you. If everything goes well. You'll be out of this tension in no time. Until then, don't worry about this. Don't be frustrated at all. Everything is going to be alright for you. Just make sure that everything is good for you. Try to focus on your health. You'll be successful in surrogacy as well.
Ava
Ava's picture
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Joined: 2018-03-16
Oh, My girl! You just seemed to be saying your heart out. I know how difficult your journey would be. It is never so easy to have failures one after another knowing that could put you into the never-ending struggle. Even I had IVF failed. And trust me that is devasted thing. You just make anything happen to get out of this circle. This infertility thing is so painful. I am just so much jealous of the people around who have babies and they often take them for granted, I mean how could anyone do that. Just because they haven't lived the life we are living. I just have lost the words. After reading your post. This just made my life flash in front of my eyes. I have no idea either to say this to you or not. But there is another option if you would find this positive for you. And that is surrogacy. Where your surrogate would carry your baby. And hopefully, if you would have a healthy surrogate so there would be no fear of failure. And yes it has some sort of legal issues over some state. But you would also find the place where it is legalized. Hope you would find some positivity in this.
RachelBranson's picture
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Joined: 2018-01-20
Hello Luffo! You've been through such a strong time. So, yeah! I know how it goes! Anyway! You should really start considering centers or agency for surrogacy. My own cousin sister was in a similar condition as yours; last year. She couldn't conceive. So, she went to a center in Ukraine for surrogacy. Doing it independently isn't safe and full of complications. So, yeah! I'd definitely recommend it for others. Go for it! You've to do things at your own...You need to be strong right now!
littlebeastshaya's picture
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Joined: 2018-05-13
Hi there. Hope you are doing fine. I read your post. You are totally right. I agree with you. We get anxious before big things. I hope all goes well for you. Take care.
Rihana's picture
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Joined: 2018-01-23
Don't worry. It' a frustration. Now you shared it. Does it feel better? Of course, it does. Everything is going to be fine for you. Don't worry. Just take good care of yourself. It'll be alright my friend. If something comes up again. Do share.
nathalie's picture
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Joined: 2018-06-10
Oh Dear. I am so sorry for all what you have endured and been through. I just cannot understand some people, and why they lack empathy. I am very sorry for you. And i really hope that you find a ray of sunshine. Your future is just as important and real as that of anyone else. Do not loose hope. This is a dark hour, but remember, it is always darkest before sunrise. Do not think you have no one. We are all here for you. Infertility is not the end of your life. There are so many options for you, including adoption and surrogacy. But first you need to help your husband overcome his issues. You need to fight this as a couple to have the future that you once dreamt of. To be able to play with your children, the two of you need to be strong for one another. The next step after that would be to look for a good surrogacy clinic, which are all over the place nowadays. My prayers and love with you.
lauren's picture
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Joined: 2018-01-26
It's just a frustration. It could happen to anyone. Take my example. Whenever I can't get anything. I became obsessed with it. I really want to share other things but I guess it's not good. Just focus on you. Well, don't worry. It's nothing to worry.
Isabella's picture
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Joined: 2018-06-20
Ah! Very sad. I am feeling pity for you. Your life is full of miseries. Unfortunately, The person who is supposed to stand with you has become the part of your discomfort. Besides that, your mother in law, who is also a woman should understand your problems. I know you need sympathy, support, and solution to your problems. I really want to help you out but I can do the only thing to suggest you a clinic to solve your infertility problem. You can visit that clinic situated in Europe. I hope they would not only solve your infertility problem but also give you support and sympathy. Good wishes to you.
Christie Schaller's picture
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Joined: 2018-05-15
Hey Luffo. How are you doing? Hope so you are having a good time now. Dear a big congratulation to you for becoming a mother despite all these problems. You are really a very brave lady. Going through surrogacy alone is really a hard thing. I am glad that you did not give up and you tried again and again. Finally, you got success and now you are a mother of a baby boy. One of my cousins also suffered from infertility for many years. But she did not give up a like you. Despite the heartbreaking situation she finally had a baby through surrogacy. And she is the happiest women in the world now .
Lauracharles's picture
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Joined: 2018-06-06
Hey Dear. How are you doing? Hope so you are doing fine. it's really good to open up to other so you can feel better. Dear, you are really going through a lot and you deserve to be a mother. I think you should go for IVF. BEcause this is the best way to have baby for infertile ladies. Also, it is reasonable and the success chances of the surrogacy are 95%. You should take a look at this process at least once.
anaya's picture
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Joined: 2018-07-10
Your story is very touching. It makes me cry. I have seen many difficulties in my life also. It's nothing compared to your pain. I am really sorry for you. I am really angry at this society mindset. Where mothers make their son a man instead of making them a good human being. It was really very hard for you. I can understand your pain. It was really difficult for you to share your story. You are very strong women. A lot of hug from me to you. Dear don't lose hope. There is a good clinic in Europe. They are best in dealing with surrogacy. You should go for surrogacy. It will be best for you. My prayers are always with you

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