a special place in a special time
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Bramina's picture
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Joined: 2018-08-10
My sister overtakes me
Hi everybody! I’m going to share some story. Maybe it’ll be a little bit unusual and even uncomfortable to read. I’m not an envious or jealous person. I’m used to accept all people’s features calmly. The following story took my tranquility away. I don’t recognize myself. All my thoughts are filled with negative emotions. It’s not fine. And it’ll be helpful to talk to someone. I’d like to get some advice. How to behave, how to live with it. During last 5 years my husband and I were involved in fertility battling. I don’t know how to put this in words. Shortly, we’ve been trying to conceive. We tried it hard. I underwent IVF. I was approaching my cherished dream. Honestly, it’s hard to call it an approach. I was always close to become a mother. Instead of that my dreams got crashed against the wall of disappointment. Sorry, I’m not begging you to sympathize me. I respect your compassion. However, this appeal isn’t about my infertility. It’s mostly telling about my relationship with my own sister. Let me break it down for you. My post can be a little longer than it’s used to be on forums. Okay, briefly, my husband married me. He knew I was infertile, beforehand. Or it’s better to say I knew my ovaries didn’t work well. I always had changeable periods. It was difficult to catch to date of my ovulation. My reproductive system didn’t work in order since I got my first menstruation. It didn’t bring much discomfort. There were not inconveniences until I wanted to have a baby. something as always went in wrong direction. My husband said everything would be amazing. Perhaps we meant we have many options of treatment around. In fact, most of them were inefficient. My sister is 7 years younger than me. She was a very active supporter while I’ve been trying to conceive. She expressed a great understanding. I had her beside when I was broken after failures. Her point of view was clear. She said she would never try so hard to have a baby. She’s not ready to sacrifice. It was too sad to see how I’m suffering from it. As well, she didn’t want to become a mother yet. It was quite reasonable. There wasn’t maternal feeling inside her heart. She maybe even doesn’t love babies. I don’t remember she played with dolls when she was a child. My sister was a difficult kid. No doubts, she could hardly be a good mother. After my fourth cycle I gave up. My husband agreed with me. It became harder to take another failed attempt. I was afraid one day I’d get finished with bad consequences. My lining doesn’t let the embryos attach. I understood it was my final round. We had to consider new ways how to achieve our aim. We always had admirable relations with a mother. She’s a very patient and wise woman. She used to be patient. My husband and I announced we were going to apply for surrogacy in some clinic. We saved enough money. That method must have expedited our plans of having a baby. It seemed as a good plan for both of us. Unexpectedly, my mother said she didn’t see it’d be right. We wanted her to lend us a part of whole sum needed for having such a program. She has actually had her own savings. We didn’t think it would be so unpleasant to speak about it. Then the most interesting just began. She called my sister to join the conversation. The truth emerged on the surface. My sister was in the 10th week of pregnancy. Who knew? They concealed it from our attention. The next phrase was that she hadn’t ever liked an idea of surrogacy. It’s unbearable for her. My sister needs those saving more than my doubtful clinics. It hurt me a lot. My husband didn’t say anything. It was just painful to understand. My sister who never wanted to have a baby is now pregnant. What a craziness? I’m freaking out! She doesn’t even have a husband. No, what am I telling about?! She doesn’t have a boyfriend. No, even that’s not fair enough. She doesn’t even know who’s a daddy. How come! And now I see even my mother is tired of my treatments and my endless weeping. She supports my sister. Of course, she’s happily pregnant. What is that? How to treat my sister and my mother? How to behave in such circumstances? It was really so meanly. I feel bad because of this. I don’t know how to find the most decent behavior. I lost my desire to move on. They all switched something off in me. I’m going to become an auntie. Do you understand? I forgave my sister when she was stealing money from my pockets and shelves. I was all right when she stole and smashed our mammy’s Pontiac. I was kind to her when she came back home drunk and tried to set a fire in the middle of the hall. She was caught with weed. She slept with our neighbor’s husband. She hated my man and called him a “Jewish fagot”. She sold mother’s golden ring that was a gift from our great grandma. My sister injured some guy at the party. She tried to stab him by the switch knife because as she said he provoked her with blow kiss. It’s not a full list of her pranks. It’s terrible and always dangerous. I don’t know what to think. I’m confused absolutely. I’m frustrated. I feel a huge resentment regarding all these last events. Maybe you see I’m too selfish. You can probably suggest me to be cleverer and tolerant. I merely don’t want to be okay with that. I don’t believe it is coincidence. This was my story. How to be with that guys? Surely, it’s not easy to understand well what is going on from the text. I tried to be maximally frank. Do you have a naughty sister? You have to get me right. It’s not a common story but it happens. Only now I understood. We always have a sort of competition. I’m not sure what we’ve been battling for. Maybe it was mother’s care. Perhaps we wanted to draw all attention. I don’t want to believe we hated each other secretly. I recollected all her bad things. All those worst deed surfaced in front of my eyes. I said I had forgiven her everything. It seems I didn’t forget anything. She forced me to reboot my cruel memory card. I guess it’d be logical if we found out she fed me with toxins, mixed them with porridge and juices when we were younger. And that caused my fertility problems. I’m certainly joking. But telling that I assume it could be so because she doesn’t have got brakes. She is not familiar with words responsibility and punishment. I described her like a demon. I exaggerated but partly it’s really true.
Jai guru deva om
Luffo's picture
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Joined: 2018-05-24
What the heck! I’m sorry for all your concerns. I get it why you are so anxious. I latterly don’t understand why it’s your sister’s fault. Maybe she has an unplanned pregnancy. It’s not very good. But it’s a life. Such things happen. Don’t you think she did it purposely? You asked us to not judge you. If I’m not mistaken. I don’t judge but call you to calm down. Perhaps now your sister needs your care. The same as you needed her support months ago. You said she was near you and supported. It is worth a lot. Whoever she was, she’s your sibling. You are children of your mother. As I could understand you father doesn’t take part in your family’s business. Sorry if I took that wrong. It’s your family. You have to be kind to its members. Try to reconsider this situation. Things occurred such way you have to look for treatment. No one wished you that. It just happened. Don’t seek anyone who is guilty. I’m also infertile. I’m dealing with it as it’s possible. I often heard hurtful and offensive stuff from people who didn’t understand my state. There are problems we live with all the time. It’s a part of us. They must not upset us endlessly. They are that we have to solve. We are searching for the answer how to fix it. Don’t try to put your responsibility on this poor girl. Is she guilty because she behaved like that? You can blame you mother as a parent. She brought your sister up. You helped your mother to make your sister the human she is now. It’s absolutely a joint responsibility. I guess your mother is right. She has got savings. She’s free to manage them as it is most favorable to her. Why are you disagreed? Which situation do you prefer to be in? Your sister is pregnant. As a woman who tries hard to conceive you could be polite to her. You could understand she’s vulnerable. She needs much care. As well, she’s probably able to change. It’s not a secret women are changing during pregnancy. Try to believe in good changes. I see it a little bit weird. You are jealous. Your younger sister has that you don’t. I would have the same bitter taste in throat but I fought it doubtlessly. I have got several younger sisters and cousins. All of them already have their own babies. I was happy to know it. All the time when some of them were informing us about their pregnancy I felt something ineffably bitter at the tip of my tongue. It was jealousy. I felt envy. This is disgusting feeling in such cases. I tried to defeat it early on. I hate myself at such situations. They weren’t obliged to take into account I would be feeling uncomfortable receiving such news. It’s all right. I’m their older sister. Perhaps you are too strict toward your sibling. Yes, she’s not a sweet girl. She has quite a criminal past. However, who doesn’t make mistakes? Maybe she is an eternal teenager. Don’t haste maybe there will be easier. You’ll look at all of this with a pleasure. Even if you don’t get a pleasure you’ll be less anxious. The story told be you isn’t really common. Do you have friends? Could they help you to overcome it? I have one more question. Why do you depend on all that mentioned stuff? Why do you live with mother? Why do you demand her money? You’d definitely feel better if you minded your own business. Having own money brings you a relevant freedom of acting. I guess this situation wouldn’t hurt you that strongly. I hope you made this thread having an awful mood. You’ll get calmer. And then it’s going to be a new day. Good luck!
Bramina's picture
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Joined: 2018-08-10
Excuse me but you didn’t understand me right. It’s not that easy as it could seem to you. This situation drives me crazy. I know my sibling as nobody else. All her behavior was a deliberate act against us. I admit my relationship with my sister wasn’t fine enough. It’s far from perfect. Okay, you can judge my mom but she brought her up the same as me. I’m not that spoiled. Things look mixed up. Even I myself don’t understand my mother. My sister hasn’t ever been supportive and caring anyway my mother does whatever to spoil her more. I guess something really bad must happen to give her some understanding. I don’t know how to influence the situation. I don’t see my guilt. Yes, we live in our mother’s house. In fact, it was only her idea. My treatment took much money, you know. We rented the apartment before she suggested us to move to her. Also she has a big house. It’s quit big to fit a couple of families. There’s really a big space enough for all of us. I’m sure It’s not a huge problem for my mother to be hospitable. We are her children. It explains everything. As I said there were many problems brought by my younger sibling. My sister never stops tricking. She remains being a big danger to the house and people in it. I guessed our stay here was a helping hand for our mother. She needed it. She asked me to stay with her. You have to know teenagers can be like vampires. We understood it. So we helped as it was possible. I didn’t demand. I just knew she had and she told us if we needed she would give us some of it. And I just wanted her to help us that time. We were close to start out program. I don’t see anything bad in that we wanted to do it. We would pay her back, doubtlessly. Why don’t you want to see it from my perspective? It’s not a casual situation. it was a plot, the evil one. God knows I was honest. She never wanted to have a baby. I’m afraid she doesn’t want it now. She pretends she’s the best mother ever.
Jai guru deva om
AnnaJ's picture
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Joined: 2018-01-20
I am really sorry to read your story. I can understand how hard this must be for you. Mainly because it's your sister. I know that your anger is also mainly because you care for her. I hope things get better. I would suggest that you take her to therapists. She might be suffering from childhood trauma. She was there for you during your bad times. So I believe you would be willing to do the same for her as well. She needs you the most right now. We all make mistakes. Reasons why I always tell people to think twice or thrice about your decision. You can't take back what happened but you can improve the future. Prayers for your family.

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